Have you ever taken a cruise? I have and they are a great way to spend a vacation not to mention a good value if you plan it right. If you have never been and are thinking that a cruise might be in your future here are a few tips to see you through to an enjoyable and fun-filled holiday.
1. Take the Dramamine. Yes, the boat does move. Even when it’s sitting still you can feel the undulating current. Don’t spend your vacation hugging the toilet, take the damn Dramamine!
2. Put on the sunscreen. It only takes a short 30 minutes to burn that fair Viking skin. You’ll be as red as the lobster tails served at the Captain’s Dinner and much too uncomfortable to enjoy the rest of the evening activities – for which there are many.
3. Watch your step. Between the motion of the ocean, the over consumption of alcoholic beverages and the breast enhancements that have made you top-heavy and unable to see your toes, you might be more likely to take a fall. Be mindful of where you are stepping and what slippery surfaces might be avoided. No one wants to spend 5 hours out of their vacation with you in the Medical Center while your wounds are being tended to.
4. Keep tabs on your tab. Don’t buy a round of drinks for the bar then, at the end of the cruise, bitch-out the girl with the unfortunate duty of settling your account because you believed you were over charged. The booze ain’t cheep! And yes, a sales tax may be attached if you purchase drinks while the ship is in port – there will definitely be a gratuity/tip tacked on.
5. Dine in the Dinning Room. Don’t settle for the so-so buffet when dinner time comes around. The best food is in the Dinning Room. Food allergies are no problem. Just make your waiter aware and he will allow you to pre-order your meals to your specifications.
6. Read the daily itinerary. Each day your Steward will leave you an itinerary listing all the ship’s on-board activities. You’ve already paid for it so why not learn the “Thriller” dance, participate in a quiz show or enjoy the first class entertainment the cruise provides. You’d be an idiot not to.
What? You’re traveling companions won’t leave the pool. Leave their butts there and make some new friends. It’s a friendly boat.
Happy Cruising and WRITE ON!
~ K. L. Parry